This evening I have very pretty finger and toenails after an afternoon’s pampering. Nothing special about that, you’re probably thinking, but I very rarely do anything like this and I’m certain this is the first time in my 33 years that the colour of my fingernails has matched that of my toenails. Except possibly as a teenager when we painted our nails black and drew candles and spiders’ webs and skulls on them with fuse wire. We were SO alternative back then. Well, we thought we were.

Everybody likes a bit of pampering, don’t they? Of course they do, but I must admit I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea of a massage; being rubbed by a total stranger is far more likely to stress me out than relax me. On a pampering weekend with friends many years ago I plumped for an Indian head massage. All my life I’ve loved having my hair played with (is that weird?) and expected this massage to be much the same. Up to a point it was, I was just a bit taken aback when I realised I had to half undress. In retrospect it was lovely, even if I did get oil in my hair.

I don’t really understand my disinclination towards massage when millions of people love it. Perhaps I’m just funny like that. But it isn’t just massage. I have a number of female friends that like to hug hello and goodbye. I do it but I’m not that comfortable with it. And the kissing thing! I actually don’t know what to do! Do I go “mwah” to the air? Do I kiss their cheek? Why don’t I know this? Can they detect my unease? I don’t have the same problem with male friends. I am rubbish.

Maybe I should try harder to overcome these frankly inconsequential things. Who really cares if the masseuse I’ll probably never see again thinks I’m flabby? It’s nice that my friends like to hug their hellos, and there’s no reason why it should make me feel uncomfortable, that’s just silly. I can learn about the kissing thing too, somewhere I have a copy of Debrett’s Etiquette for Girls bought for me by a friend as a joke, I hope. It’s bound to be in there.

As a child I was painfully shy, I’m sure, dear reader, you don’t find that hard to believe. I’ve changed a lot since then but perhaps these little difficulties I have are what remains. I’ve overcome many things in my life, maybe now it’s time to overcome the rest.