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Reality bites
June 7th, 2009 by Fiona

So, it’s the final of the Apprentice tonight.  Good.  This means it won’t be on TV any more and neither will its endless adverts.  Although I’m actually quite impressed at how the BBC are able to portray exactly how stupid the applicants are every week in only a few seconds.  If I were a business tycoon I don’t think I’d be hiring any of them.  In case you hadn’t been able to guess, I’m not exactly a fan of the reality TV genre.  I don’t watch The Apprentice, X Factor, Britain’s Got Talent, Big Brother or any of those “let’s find a random off the streets to play the lead in our musical because they’re much cheaper than real actors” type things that are ALWAYS presented by Graham Norton.  I hate Graham Norton.

I suppose Big Brother started off a lot of this reality deluge.  Whoever came up with it was either a) very lazy or b) an absolute genius.   It’s like a form of torture and they just seem intent upon winding up the attention-seeking morons that sign up for it year in year out.  You know the type, they’re after fame for fame’s sake and are of the opinion that any exposure is good exposure.  Trust me, it’s not. In my life I have watched only one series of Big Brother and the only reason I did was that it was 13 weeks long and I wanted to kill some time as I had a lot of it to kill.  Once I’d started watching, though, I couldn’t not look, it was like watching a car crash.  I was permanently horrified that people would act in the way they did anywhere in society, never mind on national television.

Perhaps this just demonstrates the difference between me and the kind of people that sign up for these shows.  I would like to be known for my achievements (currently none of note) and if there are none I’m happy enough not to be known at all.  Far better that than to be recognised as “the one who likes to have very public tantrums”, “the one who’s whiter than white but liked to talk all street like the black girls tho innit” or “the one who was vilified for being fat, racist and looking like a pig only for there to be a complete u-turn when they got cancer and died and everyone started revering them in the way they did Princess Diana.”  Hmmmm, who could I mean?

One thing I really don’t understand is why they call it reality TV when there’s nothing real about it.  A particularly far-fetched episode of Diagnosis Murder is probably more realistic (and, yes, I know DM is a load of old pap but myself and some friends have something of a soft spot for it).  Things like Big Brother are contrived and painful to watch and while we all accept that real life can be pretty atrocious and throws all kinds of shit at us, how many of us would invite this willingly and publicly?  I envisage that one day they’ll go too far with their Chinese water torture style tasks and that a contestant will go nuts and either take out the others with a kitchen knife or top themselves.  Hopefully in the name of decency Channel 4 would pull the plug but what is far more likely is that ratings would rocket and they’ll stage bigger and better rampages in future series.  In fact you should read Dead Famous by Ben Elton, he seems to think that wouldn’t be beyond the realms of possibility…


5 Responses  
Andy writes:
June 7th, 2009 at 7:55 pm

I have nothing against Big Brother and the like per se; there are plenty of other channels and even, Heaven forbid, the off button. What I particularly don’t like about all programmes of this ilk is their encroachment into the lives of people who don’t follow them.

I suppose you might expect the red tops to follow their progress but surely not to the degree that they do (this I must admit is a supposition: I’m guessing if the front page is given over to its stars’ antics then the inside must be similar) but when (non-)stories appear in the broadsheets and the national news it’s too much. You can’t even escape to the pub as people there are talking about it… aagh!

Trouble is, as long as this continues then the producers will continue rubbing their hands in glee – no such thing as bad publicity, etc.

PeterM writes:
June 7th, 2009 at 8:18 pm

I agree with the reality stuff all a big pile of pap….

Vicky writes:
June 7th, 2009 at 11:26 pm

Big Brother got axed here 2 years ago. It’s not missed. But there’s plenty of other reality and ‘talent’ shows that have taken it’s place. I ignore most of them, especially if it involves dancing, singing or other forms of ‘entertainment’. There’s even a new show on called ‘Homemade’ where interior designers compete against each other. It’s terrible. I can’t see there being second series. I am, however, addicted to the new series of Masterchef. At least the contestants on this show have a passion and real talent and love for cooking and none of them seem to be there for the fame. But it’s only the first series. I have a feeling that next year it’ll go the way of the other shows with fame hungry talentless applicants who just want to be on telly. I hope it doesn’t, but I’m not holding my breath.

Mandi M writes:
June 8th, 2009 at 9:00 am

Agree 100%. It always amazes me that BB and its ilk is so popular in the UK – it lasted 3 seasons in Greece and people were yawning and reaching for the off button half way through the 2nd (probably cos most of the participants were trying very hard to show how nice they were)

I would also highly recommend Ben Elton’s “Dead Famous”. It’s a good read and frightening close to the reality of Reality. And while you’re at it, you might want to check out his “High Society” whihc tackles the tricky issue of drugs and if we’d be better off decriminalising and controlling them….

Maz writes:
June 8th, 2009 at 12:55 pm

How can you say you have no achievements when you have three gorgeous children!!! Surely it’s more of an achievement carrying, giving birth to and bringing up said kiddies….

Well in my eyes it is anyways, far more reality than the crap that we seem to be made to watch, just by the adverts alone!!! So none of this no achievements please :O)


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© 2009 Fiona Flaherty fiona@squidpigeons.co.uk