Hello strangers! I know it’s been many, many, many months since I last posted anything to my blog and for that I apologise. Or perhaps I apologise that I am now going to write something and make you read it. Well, tough. I have no excuses other than extreme laziness, although I did have a very productive week working on my book. Yes, one whole week. And since then, nothing, and it’s all the fault of the media getting into a tizzy about Jon Venables going back to prison. But enough about that, I don’t want to get cross about all that again and put myself off writing AGAIN when I’ve finally found the urge.

Anyhoo.

So. Today, children, I want to talk to you about the new John Lewis advert, following a girl through her life, school, love, marriage, popping out babies, er, kids growing up, family arguments, grandkids, old age, blah blah blah. All in a lovely middle class setting with lovely John Lewis “stuff” most of us normal people can’t afford and to the sound of Billy Joel’s “She’s Always a Woman” (albeit a cover version). They stop before she pops her clogs, presumably because John Lewis don’t do a range of coffins. Here it is if you haven’t seen it yet:

Now, this advert, while appearing fairly cleverly done (to me, the uninitiated who doesn’t really know about these things and is waiting to be put right) has divided opinion, on twitter at the very least. A lot of people, really, an awful lot, are saying that they love it and it made them cry. Actually cry! I will grudgingly admit to you when I saw it for the first time that I welled up a little but IN MY DEFENCE I am pregnant and am therefore a bag of unchecked hormones. Also, all little girls with brown hair remind me of my very pesky daughter, just like all small boys have always reminded me of my sons and this has been wont to cause me problems in the past. Like the time my sister and I were in McDonalds in Glasgow and the young chap on the table beside us dropped his chips on the floor and cried his little heart out. My heart melted and his little face reminded me of Number 2 son so much I went and bought him some more. Yes, I am a total sucker. Had to queue for bloody ages too. Er, but I digress. The Joel song they’ve used is very sentimental so I suppose I can see why some non-pregnant, non-sucker types might feel a bit emotional, but still. In fact, if it did make you cry watch it again but with something like Cowboys from Hell by Pantera playing. Same effect? Really? You weirdo.

The other opinion, however, is much more interesting. A large number of people have found the advert to be depressing, after all the woman’s whole life passes by in a minute and a half, and all, weirdly, present day. Not to mention the fact if you don’t have the friends/family/John Lewis products that she has surely your life is a big fat fail? That’s what they’re telling you, right? Many are annoyed by its sentimentality, others that a Billy Joel song has been covered, others that the song has been used at all. My favourite tweets on the subject were from columnist Grace Dent: “think i’ll have a massive gin and watch the John lewis ad again and then put my head in the oven” and author Jenny Colgan: “My favourite bit in that @johnlewis ad is when she goes to university and gets an interesting job. Oh, no, hang on.”

I don’t think it’s changed my opinion of John Lewis particularly, rather emphasised its middle class stereotype. In her final incarnation Mrs John Lewis bears a striking resemblance to all the tweedy ladies that frequent my local branch here in “Saithsea”
and who look down on me for daring to go in the rather small lift with my daughter’s pushchair. Perhaps I don’t look like I can afford to kit my entire life out with John Lewis’s finest (I can’t), even if they are “never knowingly undersold”, but come on tweedy ladies, I’m still allowed to look! Aren’t I? Oh, I’m not. Back to Argos with me, then.