This morning I got up at the crack of dawn to go to the supermarket to finish all of the shopping.  Except it wasn’t the crack of dawn because it was still pitch black. Stupid winter.  My local shop is a branch of ASDA that seems to attract some pretty…er…colourful people, most of whom are one evolutionary step before Neanderthal Man. Before. I kid you not.  Indeed it seems possible that I’m the only shopper there that has noticed (and is utterly offended by) the enormous sign that advertises “stationary”.  Stationary what, I ask myself?

At 7am I’d rather hoped it would be a ghost town like it usually is first thing but this close to Christmas I wasn’t that lucky.  Today the world and his wife were there, stocking up on the same amount of food, drink and toilet roll you would need to prepare your bunker in the event of an imminent nuclear holocaust.  By Christmas Eve you can guarantee the shelves will be bare of everything. Not just the perishable food you might actually want to eat but all of the other stuff that no-one would normally touch with the proverbial barge pole. Ham in a tin.  Fruit cocktail in a tin with its single bright red, possibly radioactive glacé cherry. Fray Bentos pies (in a tin).  They do know the shops are only closed for one day, right?  Unless they know something I don’t…

Now, I’m really not a morning person, it takes me a good couple of hours to feel anything other than hideously grumpy after I’ve woken up and I can’t achieve this without at least two cups of tea.  But this morning I took the risk and left before my first cup of the day and looking back I can see this was a mistake.  Without that every teeny little thing possible annoyed me.  The woman who covered the entire cheese counter with herself and her trolley (laden with Princes’ Ham-In-A-Can of course) so I couldn’t get anywhere near it.  The six (six!) staff members who blocked an aisle while they stood around having a laugh and a joke.  The Christmas muzak blaring out at 179 decibels.  People with jaunty Christmas hats and flashing Christmas tree earrings.  The dodgy wheel on my trolley which caused me to veer right at all times.  Yes, I know I’m a grumpy cow.  But seriously, going out without a cup of tea inside me was a very bad idea.  None of those things would bother me if they happened now.  Well, maybe only a couple of them.  And at least I’m ready for Christmas now.  Although, on reflection maybe it would be wise to stock up on some tinned ham, fruit and pies.  Just in case.