Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun, or so they say. There were certainly a lot of people out on Southsea common and the seafront today, the obligatory half naked girls and boys, nary a bottle of sun cream between them. By now I imagine the pubs of Portsmouth are teeming with lobsters. All of this is the norm, of course, the second our watery sun pokes out from behind a cloud thousands of us fling off our clothes, swamp ourselves in baby oil and shout “BURN ME! Make me look like Magda from There’s Something About Mary!” If you don’t know what Magda looks like here she is. It’s not a good look.
We’re all expecting a good summer this year, we’ve had 2 rubbish ones in a row and we feel we’re owed one like the ones we remember from childhood. They were probably rubbish too but we remember them fondly as being long and hot because everything was better then. Sweets were better at the very least. And children’s TV. Hmmmm, perhaps I’ll come back to these in a later post…
The Met Office have told us that this year’s summer is going to be a good ‘un, although what this really means is that the average temperature overall will be higher than last year’s. That’s not really saying much but let’s hope we have a few hot days.
The problem with hot weather it is that it seems to make a lot of people act like pricks, especially when it’s mixed with alcohol. As I was walking home earlier a delightful chav was screaming some choice racist phrases at a young black lad. He finished off with something about the BNP. Which was nice. I was worried about being caught in the middle of a fight between these people, in the middle of the day. This is not good.
But for the most part the idiots are a minority and people are just out there enjoying themselves; the students (bloody students) play football, drink beer and make perfect scorchy rectangles in the grass with their disposable barbecues when they should probably be studying, writing essays or sitting in a lecture. Families play Frisbee, drink squash and eat healthy snacks or make perfect scorchy rectangles in the grass with their disposable barbecues when they should be slumped in front of the TV or xbox. And kite flyers get on my nerves when they nearly hit me on the head because they can’t control their ruddy kites. And if they have disposable barbecues with which to make perfect scorchy rectangles on the grass I might just shove them up their bums.